Being a Victim

Things happen to us in life, the good-the bad-the ups and the downs... When we had our son 10 years ago my husband and I made a choice for me to not work, but to be a stay at home mother, at least until he reached the age he could go to school. Well Kindergarten has come and gone, and I'm still a full time stay at home mother, and let's add another child to the mix. When you don't earn income, speaking from my experience, you don't feel like you have an equal say in where the income that DOES come in gets spent. I know they say that to pay someone to do all of the work a wife and/or mother does would equal hundreds of thousands of dollars, yet society does not promote that view by the husband. If he is earning an income, he gets the say in well, pretty much everything... Not any more...
We watch police dramas on tv and I want to yell at the small mousy woman to get out of her abusive situation. Last Tuesday the physically abused woman went back to her husband because she couldn't make it on her own, only to be killed by him that night. Stupid woman, why did she go back to him?? That's what we all think. Get a spine and take control. Easier said than done of course...
Today I am taking back control of my life. I am in a situation I don't like... No I am not abused, but sometimes we find ourselves becoming a victim of circumstance. Now you can either stay the victim or pick yourself up and move on. I think by not having outside interests, by not working outside the home it leaves you with too much time to dwell on the negative. Things are always bad and with nothing to replace the negative with positive the negative becomes larger than life. I know my husband is in that place as well. Yeah, it's real exciting around here... both of us obsessing on what we can't do, haven't accomplished, regrets, etc. I do not want my children to grow up knowing only negativity.
It is ironic I have come to this great epiphany on a day of Thanksgiving. Although I personally, do not celebrate the holiday, it did strike me as a major irony. Because I do have things to be thankful for. I have to wonderful children who have their whole lives in front of them, I have a supportive sister who lets me rant and rave. I have a friend, who has a similar situation, but found a part time job and now has a more positive outlook on life. And I do have a husband of almost 17 years. Right now he is in a really bad place and I feel like I'm getting sucked into the vortex. I think if I can climb out so can he. The more I dwell on the negative the more I feel like I'm being swallowed by the quicksand. The more I flail and flounder around the quicker I get sucked back in. I need to find the rope and just pull myself up.
So no more being a victim. I'm going to start the new year in a new place - if not physically at least metaphorically. I'm going to have a job and hopefully be in school... I'm going to be all that I can be... but I draw the line at joining the military...lol. Next year is going to be a great year and it starts today!!