Alcohol

I am trying to cut back on my alcohol intake.  Yesterday, all I drank was water.  I have cut out all of my daily soda intake.  Last week I hade my Pepsi One on Monday and Saturday.  All the other days I only drank water.  Lost 5 pounds in a week.  Yippee!!

Then I get family stress - bring on the booze...  My poor body is so confused!!!

I try go talk to the husband and get "yeah, yeah, yeah."  Ok, whatever... communication is not important.  We've gone 20 years without deep conversations, what's a few more years...

Problem is, he doesn't talk to the kids either.  I listen to my son and his plans for the future and none of his plans include his father - SNAP!  You get out, what you put in.  Hope you are prepared for the repercussions.  Goodness, I had no idea how deep my son's issues go with his father.

Marriage

Marriage - would I do it again if I had to go back in time??  Um, how do I put this nicely... um, hell no!!  Did I marry the love of my life as people seem to think, yeah - no!  I was brought up in a religion, where I belief in it's precepts and ideals, and all of its tenets, teaches you can only marry within the sole religion, and you cannot get divorced.  That creates a problem...

The person I married 20 years ago is not the same person I am married to today.  He has changed and evolved and morphed into a person I barely know.  Was I in love with him when we got married... if I had to be self-reflective, probably not.  What did he have going for him?  He was the same religion I was and expectations were what they were.  I actually was really into another person, but I try not to dwell on what might have been.

So, I did the dutiful thing and married the person I was expected of.  Life was find and dandy until kids came along.  Boy, did we have different ideas of parenting. ...  Cut to 20 years in the future...

I get a phone call from my husband saying if I need to get a hold of my son I need to call the house number.  Um, what happened?  Hubby got mad at my son, took his phone and snapped it in 2 pieces.  Not the most mature of decisions.  What angered my son was when his dad came back a few hours later and tried to make jokes about it.  My husband and son had nothing in common.  No common bond, no confidences, etc.  So, as soon as I come home from work I get ambushed.  I see where both sides are coming from, but am torn.  My 40+ husband acted like a toddler, and my son is frustrated.  Not that his phone was broken, although that annoyed him.  It was that he had a sim card that had quite a few photos on it that my son was quite proud of.  I brought it up to my husband, about the sim card, and got a "well he should have downloaded it before" response.  Really??  Yeah, that's mature!

My annoyance grows... and we are now barely at the point of "friends with benefits".  We are barely more than roommates, yet I have to defer to him on most decisions.  Getting to the end of my rope as he spends all of his income and has now moved onto mine.  We'll see what the future holds as now both kids have no tolerance for him.  My streee is high these days!!

Compassion

I haven't blogged in a while.  Mainly because I have not viewed my blog as a place to gripe and moan.  Trust me, I have written the great American novel in my head while trying to go to sleep, but it has never made it over into written form.  Tonight, I feel like venting.

I was told that I will never make a good therapist.  I am one class away from an Accounting degree and one class away from a Phychology degree.  I am employeed full time in the accounting profession; however, I seem to spent most of my off time helping people.  I have helped one woman get both her daughters back on track, helped a few others here and there.  I don't use phychology per se, I just reason with people with good ol' common sense.  So... I had the woman who I have helped on three levels come to me and tell me that I need to help as 12 year old.  What is the problem???  Her older brothers play a video game that traumatizes her.  I didn't have much to go on, but I googled it.  Turns out it is one of the scariest video games on the market.  She has nightmares, phobias, paranoias, etc. and can't talk to anyone.  After doing the research, my husband has said he is going to talk to the dad about this issue.  Ok, the clock is ticking.

I am trying to find a way to talk to the little girl and get her to open up to me before my husband vents on the dad.  Yeah, I am preoccupied.  So, my husband told me... I will never be a good therapist because I want to manipulate people into talking to me.  That is so not the case.  I probably will not be a good therapist because I care too much about people.  I am worried about this little girl.  I know her brothers and how devious they can be.  If she opens up too much she can open herself up to a world of hurt by them.  My husband says she is not my concern, my concern should be my own two kids.  Yes, that is true, my main concern are my own kids; however, they are not in harms way.  I am trying to find a way to reach this little girl's heart and get her to trust me so I can help her before my husband goes to her dad and wreaks havoc on this whole situation.  Yep, trying to help is my own damn fault... having a husband who is like a bull in a china shop....  snap!!!

No pressure, but I have about a half hour window to talk to her before the hubby goes nutso on the dad.  Doesn't help that my husband hates the brothers.  I have no patience for them either as I know where they are coming from.  I can read them like a book and they know it.  They have stopped even staying hello to me as they know that I am on to them.  This is a totally new issue and I feel so bad for their sister.  I am trying to word an opening dialogue, and my husband says I am overly worried, and will make a bad therapist.  Sorry I am concerned and want to help.   Geez!!