Depression

I want to think of myself as being a supportive wife. I have been married for almost 20 years now, and it seems like forever. Things were great the beginning. Due to my religious beliefs I was restricted to whom I could end up with. I definitely had a couple of others I would have loved to have pursued, but was not allowed to go down that avenue. I will always wonder what might have been with at least one of them. One of the two was a drug dealer, so while I was totally interested in him, I don't think we would ever have been compatible. With my choices extremely narrowed, I was down to having to pick the one I ultimately married. Long story made short, bad decision. He hates being a parent and dislikes any kind of noise in his world. We have gone round and round, and he just falls back on his liking quiet. I think its a part of his depression. He watches 13 hours of tv a day and wants total silence while he is in the room. Really, cause Judge Joe Brown and Judge Judy can't be put on mute or pause for a few minutes??? My daughter is a typical 6 year old - she talks to herself, has an imagination, etc. My husband hates that!!! They clash non-stop. I finally blew up tonight when I saw my daughter cowering in the corner after my husband yelled at her for disturbing his television program. He called her over and she wouldn't go near him, but rather clung to me.... He blamed the whole episode on me. If I hadn't have put the idea of her being afraid of him into her mind she would have been find. Um, yeah, like her hiding in the corner, rocking back and forth wasn't a clue. Both my son and my daughter continue to state how much they love me, but dislike their father... yes, quite a problem. My husband deals with it in his ever mature state - he rolls over and pretends to go to sleep (even at 8 at night). I am ever ready to pursue this 2 week EMT course so I could become independent and be able to stand on my own. Right now I need the husband's income. If I could get a job after 2-3 weeks my two kids and I would be in a much better spot. I need to come up with the finances so I can do this. Have I ever been interested in EMT - sporadically, but if the medical field is the wave of the future and I can support my kids now, I would love it--- blood, guts and all!!!