Life

It is funny as I look back on life. I am 10 days away from my 20th wedding anniversary and I so do not feel the impact. I was married on January 25, 1992, yet my husband and I have grown so far apart in the last few years. Much of it stems from the fact that we really cannot get a divorce due to our religious beliefs. Trust me, I've looked into it.... there are no legitimate scriptural grounds for us to split up... So here we are. People congratulate us on 20 years and I just smile and nod. Oh well... In reality I am just the parent to three children.... I have a 40 year old child, a 13 year old and a 6 year old. My husband's depression contributes quite a bit to our situation. He watches tv for hours on end. My son and I had laughed because he only watched tv for 11 1/2 hours as opposed to his usual 13 hours in a day. While he watches tv he wants total quiet. Yes, it is important to have total silence while Judge Joe Brown hands down his verdict. My husband will watch judge shows for hours if he is home during the week. And while they are on, total silence must reign. If it is a Saturday or Sunday, heaven forbid noise interrupt his football games. While I am a 49er fan and was enraptured for the 3 hours of utter football heaven... I don't need to follow ever game that plays during the weekend. My husband watches football from 10 - 5 for the entire weekend, and there is no talking allowed during any of the games. When I dare to speak up he goes into a meltdown. He insists on total silence from my 6 year old for hours on end. I flip out and go into mother mode my husband pretends to go to sleep. He whips out a belt because my daughter talks to herself while she plays with herself. I come totally unglued and flip out on him and he then rolls over and pretend to go to sleep at 8:00. No dinner, no nothing.... Are we nearing and ending... I think so. I get upset at him because my daughter has done nothing wrong. She plays by herself and entertains herself by talking aloud. Husband gets upset because her talking to herself interrupts his multiple hours of tv watching. Yes, we have gotten into it several times lately.... I am at the end of my rope, but without his income I am stuck. I need to register, pay for, and take this EMT class so I can stand on my own two feet. Yes, I like office work, but I can't compete without current office experience. Head knowledge will get you nowhere. This school will at least help you get a job upon graduation. I am registered for 12 units at the local community college, but I know my husband is not for it. He wants the $$$ but not for my classes to interfere with is schedule. When I told him the semester started on 1/30 he said he wasn't ready to start then, that he wanted to wait until February. I told him he would be dropped for not attending his classes due to the waitlist and he wasn't concerned. He wants the immediate payout, not the long term payoff. I wish I wasn't stuck, but for now I am. If I could figure out how to take this EMT course I could be in a position to work immediately and make a good wage off the top so as to support my kids. I am tired of parenting three kids and want go to back to only dealing with my biological two. Those are the ones who matter.